Monday, August 10, 2009

'I wish his life was a non-stop Hollywood movie show - A fantasy world of celluloid villains and heroes' - Apologies to Ray Davies

I love today's MJ headline: 'Coroner Completes Jackson Autopsy, Film Deal Set'. Let's not actually read the tripe and just ponder the tag line itself.

What are they saying here with such a seeming non-sequitur? A film of the autopsy?

The medical examiner did say that the autopsy results would "remain sealed."

"Sealed." Is that some sort of 'coroner code'?

Seal the singer? "I'm going to Seal it" - as in, "I'm going to poke the autopsy results full of pockmarks and then go 'a little crazy' "?


Aaahhhh. Now I get it: 'sealed' - as in, "closed/nah,nah,nah - I can see it and you can't."

Is it maybe sealed only until after the film premier? To avoid any '!!! spoiler alert!!!!'?

Maybe it's an 'Inner Space' kind of movie.

They shrink down Jermaine, Liz Taylor, Dr. Conrad, Ben the Rat, and Bubbles, put them in a capsule and attempt to fire them in through MJ's nose.

Well, not the nose, not enough room to get them through there anymore.

The mouth?

No, the throat is still clogged with half swallowed pills, they couldn't navigate around that logjam.

Oh well, it's a shitty job but somebody has to do it. Faster than you can say 'colonoscopy' (the Pixar animation is so life like!), the adventure begins. That's not candy, Liz!

A biological musical science faction action extravaganza, set to a soundtrack of MJ's finest and marketing/product placement tie-ins with Taco Bell and Stone Cold Creamery. Lots to explore! Fun for the whole family. Just in time for Summer 2010!

Jumpin Jezez - Let the guy be dead for a couple of days, would ya?

Doesn't the media have bigger fish to fry? Like health care or the mounting military deaths in Afghanistan or Kathy Griffin escorting Levi Johnson to the Teen Choice awards?

Wait, what is an old bag like Kathy Griffin doing at a teen-oriented event? And taking someone who but for the grace of God could have been the Vice President, Jr. In Law? Class.

Anyway, gotta go - the HBO documentary on one of my favorite small town Mayors, the Honorable Marion Barry, is underway - and then the luminescent Mary Louise Parker prunes her weeds.