Showing posts with label soapbox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soapbox. Show all posts

Friday, October 9, 2009

Of Norse Gods and Giants and Amercian Goats and Shit


My Norwegian compadres on the Nobel committee did nether the US or Obama any favors by awarding the Peace Prize to our neophyte President, however noble their intentions (bad pun unfortunately intended).

True, he's made the world more amenable toward peace simply by not being George W. Bush and he's pretty good at it. I personally think he's mostly making the right moves, though at a much more leisurely pace than I would have liked.  Oh sure, there are a bunch of little things that bother me about what Obama's done or not done on one issue or another. There always will be until someone elects me president.  Even then, I'd find a way to find fault with some of my decisions immediately upon making them (perhaps especially then).   All in all, though, Obama's doing okay.

But the Nobel Peace Prize?


At the end of the day, Obama's the commander in chief responsible for two wars of our own making and it doesn't really matter that he inherited them. He's clearly accelerating the Afghan campaign and to my eyes not made nearly enough progress in getting us out of the muck that is Iraq.   And nothing else he's accomplished besides not being Bush has had time to bear fruit yet.  Perhaps they need a Nobel Not-Bush Prize.  Barack totally deserves that one.

And of course there are the downsides to winning a Nobel Prize for nebulous reasons: The right wing fear mongers now have more fodder for monging ("it's a vast worldwide leftist conspiracy!").  These are the people that cheered the news that we didn't get the 2016 Olympics because Obama lobbied to get it.  I imagine they'd cheer firebombing of orphanages if Obama came out against the idea.


But enough of this political claptrap - let's talk about important things, like Marge Simpson at long last making the cover of Playboy Magazine.  Alas, no Jessica Rabbit style centerfold to go along with it, but it shows that cartoon cougars can be bad too (well, not bad; just drawn that way).

I'm sitting here watching Discovery Health (naturally; what's an old fogy going to do on a Friday night?) and on comes yet another commercial by a company whose advertisements seem isolated to this channel: Home Delivery Incontinent Supplies (HDIS).   I've never seen so much as a reference to them anywhere else.  Know thy demographic.  And so they do, but I hope I won't need their services for a good long time.


I've mentioned HDIS in a prior posting, but it bears repeating for those who missed it: this company caters solely to those whose bladders and bowels are so out of control that they can't make it through the checkout line at the supermarket without leaving a trail of piss and shit in their wake.  Or maybe to those who are simply embarrassed to roll up to the "15 items or less" aisle and get yelled at by the gum popping teenager working the register for having 15 packs of Depends and a large block of cheese ("that's 16 items shit-for-brains!").   Who wants that?  Let HDIS ship your bowel and bladder control needs right to the front door!  Another bushel of butt plugs for the Petersons!



On that bright note I catch a glance at the clock: 11:20pm, time for bed.  Gotta get caught up on my reading: The Men who Stare at Goats has been teed up on my nightstand for a while and I've only gotten a few pages into it.

Goats, Shit, Piss and the Nobel Peace Prize.  Who could ask for anything more?


Friday, September 11, 2009

ATM Thieves strike at my Heart of Darkness - Afghan Monopoly anyone?


It seems thieves stole an ATM from my local hospital simply by disguising themselves as repairmen from the bank and hauling the thing away.

Pretty ballsy!

As someone who was subjected to the "care" provided by that institution for the better part of a week a few years ago, I can't say part of me isn't at least a little pleased by this turn of events. Hopefully the hospital is liable for this and the bank can put the screws to them much like they did to me.

Their caper nabbed them 96 grand, eh? Oddly, that was roughly my bill for sadism ... er, services rendered at that medieval butchery barn.

Not that I'm bitter.


On to the world stage, this week feels a bit like the 60s: the Beatles are the hottest thing in music and we've got an escalating war in Asia that once had a very narrow, very specific purpose but whose goals now seem anything but clear. The question on my mind? Is Obama LBJ or is he RFK minus the tragic demise? The entrenched president bird dogged by a meandering, unwinnable war without purpose or the guy who would liberate us from such entanglements?

I thought Bush was playing the role of LBJ in this bit of revisionism, with Iraq filling in as his Vietnam understudy. (The analogy is not fair to Johnson: LBJ didn't get us into Vietnam, certainly he didn't invade the country on a foundation of lies and God-bestowed self-righteousness. But you get my point.)

Obama certainly seemed every bit the early 21st century Robert Kennedy on the campaign trail, but things are looking a bit less clear nine months into his administration. However, it is only nine months and he was given a heaping helping of domestic shit to work through as well, so he deserves another year before I start pinning the Johnson badge on his chest. Bobby had the 'advantage' of never having to fulfill those lofty expectations. And to be sure, dying prior to taking office is the ultimate advantage in this narrow context.

Obama really isn't superman, though, despite some media attempts to color him with that brush. He can't simply make Iraq and Afghanistan go away in a blink of an eye without suffering the consequences (real and political). I just hope he realizes that it's not 'anything goes' now in Afghanistan simply because we had some justification going into there eight years ago. Define the mission - do it fucking fast and make it really clear.

In the end, historical comparisons are easy but they're also cheap and false. It's 2009 not 1969. I know, the clock on my desktop tells me (and I'm not at a desk). Also, the music on the celestial radio sucks.

We went into Afghanistan for one reason and one reason only: to hunt down and kill/capture bin Laden and other Al Qaeda operatives. The Taliban were secondary, a means to an end. Can we ever eradicate them from a leadership position in that neck of the woods? Not through military means. We should just head into the mountains of Tora Bora from both sides (hello, Pakistan) and be done with it (likely that's what we've been doing on the QT in piecemeal fashion, but it hasn't gotten us anywhere).

Or better still: just forget bin Laden and his ilk. He's not worth it and this whole eye-for-an-eye thing smacks of fifth grade, in my book. He's much more influential among radicals as a martyr, killed by the great Satan. Leave him to die quietly of old age or, more likely, the various maladies he reportedly suffers from. If we do kill him, I hope to hell we don't reveal it. Maybe we already have. No, we don't know how to keep a fucking secret to save our lives (in this case, literally). We gotta be the braggarts, showing off our spoils of war. I hope I'm wrong.

So, nothing particularly funny here today. I'm in a funk to the point where even California Republican Assemblyman Mike Duvall's pornographic chatter about his trysts with female lobbyists, actually uttered during a legislative hearing, couldn't lift my spirits.

One thing that just might stamp out the blues is the launch of Monopoly City Streets. Finally an online game I want to play! And I will. At least once they iron out their scalability opening day jitters.

Let's tie this all together and play Afghan Monopoly. How many hotels can you buy on the road to Kandahar? Careful not to land on the - well, land mines as you negotiate your way around the "board". Draw a "card" now. Oh, too bad! The Americans have napalmed your poppy crops - you lose a turn. Sounds like a 'blast'. I'm in as long as I can be the armored Bradley fighting shoe.

Monday, September 7, 2009

'Give me the needle. Give me the rope. We're going to melt them down for pills and soap.' - D. MacManus, 1983

Well, well, well - this whole brouhaha around Obama's back-to-school address has drifted into the Twilight Zone (or, more appropriately, the McCarthy Zone).

It just shows you how polarized our country has become. It's not like Obama is going to whisper to the kids to go run and tell mommy and daddy that universal government run healthcare is the only thing that will stop grandma from dying tomorrow. "And your little doggies and kitties too. They will surely die without mandatory Big Government Health Factories. So will your brothers and sisters. All will be dead soon. Run and tell your parents!"

Wait, that's not right - our country is not polarized, at least not organically. No, there's a lot of pasteurization going on, lots of man-made pesticides being dropped down onto the great unwashed.

And looky, looky who's holding the big barrels of DDT - it's the right wing political and media machine preying on the uninformed and those who harbor a barely controllable hatred for the government (unsurprisingly, the overlap of these two demographics is considerable).

These poor slobs don't seem to realize that 1.) the government they fear and despise is theirs and 2.) the manner in which it is fucked up is institutional and doesn't change much regardless of the temporary caretakers that constitute the administration in power.

They have not really seen the enemy because the enemy is them.

They are missing the whole point regarding government run healthcare. Christ, it's not the fuckin' DMV. Look to higher education as the model. All universities are not private and guess what? Public colleges have not put the Harvards or Browns or Swarthmores of the world out of business. And a great many are superior to their private counterparts. But can you imagine the percentage of college educated Americans we would have with only private options? It would be a significantly reduced number and so would the number of people qualifying as middle class. Likewise the number of scientific and medical breakthroughs, business innovation, etc. We'd have predominantly rich and poor, informed and ignorant. Like the bad old days.

But not everyone gets to go to college free, Steve.  Yeah, sadly I realize that.  So look at public vs. private primary schooling.  It's the model and type of service I'm concerned about.  Comparing it to the DMV or the Post Office is Apples and Oranges.

But people don't see the parallels. The insured and the uninsured. We have the chance (once again) to make that comparison obsolete and the fear-mongering wack jobs are helping to piss this away once again. Please, please, please, guys - hold your ground and deal with the political fall out. Ya gotta have real balls and intestinal fortitude to get this through.

These people are so fearful of a 'socialist' nation, with gray Soviet-issue bread lines and gas lines and vodka lines and line lines, with rows and rows of black and white government-issue buildings housing government-issue bureaucrats providing sub-par government-issue services. Guess what? Even if they're right, sub-par services are better than no services. And if you can afford better, do what you do today - buy it. Will the prices of the private stuff go up? Sure, some. But that can be managed. It shouldn't go up an appreciable sum if government healthcare is limited those who have none right now.

Democracy's a delicate balance - sort of an organizational teeter totter, balanced on both ends. Tip it all the way over in one direction and you have unfettered fascism, tip it all the way in the other direction and you have totalitarian communism. That's the over-simplified view of thing, of course. It's not a three position teeter toter, and right now we're teetering over toward the fascism end of things in the form of unregulated "free markets" (you know, the thing that brought us the economic collapse). You're as free as your balance sheet. We just need to get close to that democratic equilibrium by tipping the scales again in the other direction.

The problem is you have fat slobs like Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, and Glenn Beck sitting on the fascism seat of our teeter totter and weighing us down in that direction. And Sista Sarah has piled on a shitload of wolf carcasses along with the English Language she's slaughtered. That's a lot of words, some of them quite heavy. Meanwhile there are too many lightweights on the socially conscious end to counterbalance them. We need some big cojones to jump onboard.

"But come on, " a reasonable outsider would exclaim, "you have large majorities in the house and senate and the executive branch - how can you claim that this is so?"

I agree it isn't intuitive. But face it: the administration is there mainly by virtual of the badshit looniness of W. and Our Lady of the Yukon, with perhaps a dash of fear over what Grandpa Munster might do with The Button during one of his senile, hot headed fits. The congress is merely on one of its periodic swings and will inevitably swing back. I say these things having been a supporter of Obama from the moment he announced (actually, from the moment he gave that speech at the Democratic Convention in 2004). And I don't say this with any shame. Our country has always been a tangle of contradictions (that's the core of what makes it great). But we need to be cognizant of it.

Once liberals have a bit of power, we never seem to know what to do with it. That's the other thing complicating what should be an easy go of things. I say this as a commie-pinko gushing heart proud-as-punch card-carrying fellow traveler liberal. The right wing wack jobs still have it all over us in raising a stink and putting The Fear into the Fearful. When money's tight and jobs are scarce, that's not hard to do, and they can do it in the best of times.

"But come on," Mr. Average Joe 'The Watergate' Plumber on the street might say, "I know that Barack Obama is a commie socialist Islamic Kenyan national. I understand he'll soon be leading the nation's school children in a pledge allegiance to Stalin, Bin Laden, and the Socialist Kenyan Islamic States of America and signing them up for mandatory Swahili lessons so they'll be ready once he mandates its use as our official language."

"Steve," you might wonder in return, "aren't you being a bit absurd there?" No, sadly.

Open your eyes and think for yourselves, people.

This 'opt-out' thing is a slippery slope - next thing you know parents will be opting their kids out of art class because of its left leaning tendencies. We'll start locking people up because too many people opted out of whatever activity they were driving, so they must be a criminal. Parents will need to approve every person and topic discussed at the school.

Now you might say, "The parents have that right." They do. It's called private school or, if that isn't sufficiently censored or in line with their philosophy, home schooling.

And I'll ask myself, If McCain was President would I still be saying the same thing? Yes, I think so. Okay, so how Sarah Palin? Ehhhhh! Karl Rove? Ahhhh! Dick Cheney? Errrhhh! And they say waterboarding is torture (well, they don't, but the rest of us do).

Still, in all of those cases, if I had kids and hadn't yet put a bullet in my brain under those trying circumstances, I would still say the same thing: it's the president and he's going to talk mom-and-apple-pie-stay-in-school-get-an-education-help-others. What could be sinister about any of that? What is not good about that?

And I would tell my kid that day what I would tell them most days: Dad doesn't agree with the president about a lot but he does about the most fundamental things (though perhaps not the manner in which we should go about achieving them). Listen to the president closely as he/she emphasizes the importance of education and service. They are important. But never listen blindly to your country's leaders, regardless of the belief you or anyone has in their policies. Always listen critically.

But listen.