The least interesting man in the world

I must be the antithesis of the Dos Equis 'most interesting man in the world'. Why else would yours truly be typing into the blogosphere void and watching a repeat of Cops on a lovely summer evening?

The neighborhood is empty - folks must be down at the beach. I hate to use the colloquialism 'down the shore.' If it involves sand, it's a beach. And if they are there, then it would follow that they are @ the beach - they're not down the beach, unless they are down the beach from (south of) you, implying that you are up the beach from (north of) them. All clear?

Having fun yet? Ready to watch paint dry with me?

I should close this post with my take on the Dos Equis 'most interesting man' catchphrase: "I don't drink beer but when I did, I preferred whatever was in front of me. Stay thirsty, my friends."

Speaking of which, you really have to visit this great booze movie web site.

My vote for the very best of soused cinema goes to Billy Wilder's The Lost Weekend, following the trials and tribulations of Mr. Don Birnam, played with cheese by Ray Milland (many years before reaching the summit of his craft as Rosey Grier's right head man). The score is tops, as are the Bellevue/DT/Rats-on-the-walls special effects. And Gloria, with her loathsome abbreviations. Just leave me my vicious circles, Nat.

Close second is Mickey Rourke's triple hamtastic ('on rye') spin as Charles Bukowsi's alter-ego Henry Chinaski in Barfly. 'Empty bottle. Broken Glass. Euphoria!' Lilly: 'Anyone can be a drunk.' Henry: 'Anyone can be a non-drunk. It takes a special talent to be a drunk. It takes endurance.'

Coming in to show at third is Leaving Las Vegas ('Have you been drinking all day?' 'But of course!'). Ben Sanderson, Sera, and Gooey Blender Drinks. Terri: 'Maybe you shouldn't drink so much.' Ben: 'Maybe I shouldn't breathe so much, Terri - Ha Ha!'

The Office of Ruminant Procurement (I'm trying - real hard Ringo - to be the Shepherd)

'When the governed act like sheep, they beget a government of wolves' - Edward R. Murrow. This quote kicks off the recent book, "The Emperor's New Clothes" by Richard Ben-Veniste (interesting read that is part biography/part dictum on Government Hubris).

And the wolves are only being instinctive when they perpetuate such a ruminant-centric environment, rewarding the 'well behaved' and demeaning those that question authority. Promotion and attrition follow their 'natural' course and before you know it taking a census cures your insomnia (employee surveys are their corollary in corporate nations).

Are your organizations blanketed in wool?

Is Shari Lewis meandering around your cube looking for her Lamb Chop? (Speaking of which, is it just me or did others also have an innate loathing of Shari Lewis and that filthy sock puppet mint-jelly receptacle of hers as a kid? And now her daughter is attempting to perpetrate that insipid creature on another generation of unsuspecting children. Jumpin' Jeziz, No!)

But I digress (again).

Sheep make great coats and diplomas but aren't known for their creativity, intelligence, humor or common sense (that's why it's horse sense, though God knows those filthy beasts are no smarter, except for maybe Mr. Ed and on the odd occasion, Silver).

Of course, participatory government is harder and actually requires, well - governing. It's easy to herd sheep but takes a bit more intelligence to effectively shepherd people.

But enough of this incoherent chatter and back to the herd ...