Saturday, November 21, 2009

Here comes Oprah Claus! Here comes Oprah Claus! Right down Oprah Claus Lane!

It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens
Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens 
Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese 
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees

Ahh, the traditional sounds of the Holidays.  But I'm not feelin' it yet, even with the harmonies of Reverend Joey Simmons and Darryl McDaniels warbling through the stereo speakers. (Whose house? Run's House!)  Maybe I need the weather to turn colder.  Perhaps once Thanksgiving is past us.

I miss the wise counsel of The Most Interesting Man in the World.  He seems to have drifted off the page, so to speak. And when he does make an appearance, it's only to let me know where I've been, not where I must go next. Thanks to him, I know the after party is the one you want to go to. But what should I do after that?  In some ways, he represents what's true and real about Christmas.  A Santa Claus for the new age, kind of.  A Dos Equis-drinking (though, he reminds us, "not always"), womanizing, partying, adventuring Saint Nick.

Speaking of Saint Nicolas, maybe Nicolas Cage can provide some yuletide guidance in his new flick The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. I was a big fan of the first Bad Lieutenant film when it came out back in 1993, that one showcasing an under appreciated Harvey Keitel performance to my mind as good as his more acclaimed romps through Taxi Driver, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, etc.

There are some real rave reviews for this Bad LT "sequel" (its only relationship to the original is the title character's profession, rank, and corruption).  Many have proclaimed this Cage's best performance since Leaving Las Vegas, his wicked lieutenant sharing much with the protagonist of that film (tortured soul, substance abuser).  Unlike the earlier Keitel crime drama, this new one isn't a brutally serious NYC-based fallen angel/Catholic guilt parable but rather a brutally bleak black comedy, set in post-Katrina New Orleans.   Maybe it'll put me in the holiday spirit!

Meanwhile the pop culture world is a blaze this week with Oprah putting the kibosh on her gabfest after 25 years and vampire fever striking the tweeny-bopper crowd (and those older folk with similar sensibilities).  Personally, just give me Ed Wood's friend Bela Lugosi and Lily Munster, thank you very much. You can keep yer twlight's last gleaming and yer honest plasma.

Speaking of the Divine Miss 'O', Oprah's next act appears to be her own network (the Oprah Winfrey Network, natch), rolling out in 2011.  It's supposed to "replace the Discovery Health Channel."  Forget government takeover of Healthcare, I'm way more concerned about the Oprah machine taking over my Discovery Health.  She's got ten times the juice of our puny government and I depend on my friends at Discovery Health to get me through the day a lot more than I do my PPO lately.

Oprah, what the fuck are you trying to pull?  You trying to put Liberator Catheter Lady (I call her "Cath") and Activia Jamie Lee in the poor house?  Don't screw with my favorite network.  I need my Dr. G fix and can't afford to fly down to Florida each week to watch her work in person.  I've got Medical Mysteries to solve and Life in the ER to live (there are Untold Stories in there yet to tell, I hear ... er, tell).   This concerns me greatly.

Oh well, that's a couple of years from now.  Be kind to us, oh great and powerful 'O'.  Oprah, perhaps more even than the Most Interesting Man, represents the true embodiment of Kris Kringle - new cars for everyone!  Oprah Claus.  All I want for Christmas, Dear Oprah Claus, is that you take pity on my fav Discovery Health shows and allow them to live on when your network takes over.

And with that ...

RUN-DMC - Christmas In Hollis (Official Music Video) - Click here for more free videos