Tuesday, September 8, 2009

'They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the Rod. But I never thought they'd put me in the goon squad.' - D. MacManus, 1979

What looked to be the late summer doldrums just got a shot in the arm for me!

I was concerned about going through pulp/pop trash withdrawals this week:
  • MJ's been buried
  • The health care 'debate' has gotten pretty damn old
  • The Obama 'birthers' have quieted down
  • The president's speech to America's school kids has come and gone
  • Momar's not due into NYC until later in the month
  • The Daily Show and Colbert are on hiatus
  • Weeds season is kaput
  • The war in Afghanistan isn't very funny
  • The new fall lineup doesn't really kick off for a week or two
  • It's the worst time of year for film (past the cheesy summer fun and not quite ready for the 'serious' fall work)
What's a pop-culture junky to do?

Enter the savior "Ram" Rod Blagojevich with his memoirs and a new round of interviews!

Man, I wish he had been 'my' Governor. So entertaining. Pennsylvania chief executives tend to be boring from that perspective, though we've had a few mayors in Philly that could have given Hot Rod a run for his money (Street and Rizzo come to mind).

'Ahoy' Blagojevich has defiantly wrestled baldfaced corruption and two faced self-righteousness from the clenched fists of Republican state chief execs, demonstrating that Democratic deviancy in office is not limited to that of a sexual nature. Those of us on the left are so proud!

I can't wait for Rod's trial and vindication and definitely plan to pick up his book, The Governor. It's so clear to anyone with eyes that this visionary peacemaker has been railroaded and I for one want to know the nitty gritty details as to how and why.

In the meantime, Rod, since I hear you're strapped for cash, you'd make a great replacement for Billy Mays. Don't like that? How about you and ShamWow Vince as a team? There's a thought. Or - now hear me out - you could become the spokesperson - the exclusive face of the brand - for Active Men's Depends, the new bowel and bladder control product specifically designed for men still in their wage earning years: "When the shit hits the fan, it doesn't hit the floor." You might actually make adult diapers cool to wear for the working professional.

The scene is set in some faceless corporate break room. Dean and Stan, two young marketing executives, are talking over early afternoon coffee. Stan is very clearly wearing diapers under his dress slacks.

Dean: "Stan, you're looking a bit 'puffy' in the behind - he, he. What gives?"

Stan: "Yeah, Dean. I'm rocking my new Depends Blagojevichs. Hey, we both had the prune pasta for lunch at Olive Garden - guess which one of us will make it through our big presentation to the CEO comfortably this afternoon. Remember, we're slotted two hours and we haven't prepared a thing for it yet. Lots of tap dancing! It'll be BS time on all fronts, but I'll be set, knowing I have honest Rod smiling at me from behind: his picture is on every pair!"

Dean: "Rod Blagojevich has put his name on adult diapers? Wow, that makes you think twice about bladder and bowel control for us working stiffs."

Stan: "You bet. You know he wouldn't back anything that wasn't reliable. And they come in several refreshing deodorizing fragrances. If you get a whiff of lilac, that's my 'Blags' going to work!"

Dean: "Ahh, Geez, Stan, that's awful smart of ya - you'll be tap dancing good and thick without pause while I'll have to excuse myself to run off to the boys room. What'll the boss think of me then? I'd better duck out to the store and pick me up some Depends Blagojevichs pronto!"

Stan: "Don't worry, Dean. I always keep extras in my left desk drawer. Now let's figure out where we can steal a quick marketing report presentation out on the Internet ..."

Food for thought, Rod. The book'll only get ya so far. On the off chance you're convicted, someone might get the bright idea your 'memoir' is allowing you to profit from your crime and attempt to recoup the proceeds. I'm sure you're off-shoring the jingle jangle but it never hurts to have multiple income streams going.

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