Sunday, September 13, 2009

In Maureen I Trust - Again

I don't know how it happened but somehow I forgot how much I loved to read New York Times Op-Ed columnist Maureen Dowd and haven't done so in a while. Maybe I figured it wouldn't be the same without her favorite whipping boy around (she had a love/hate relationship with her 'W' - she loved to hate him).

Shame on me. The Pulitzer prize winning Divine Ms. D is still wicked smart with the English language (sometimes she's wicked wicked as well, but she's never dull).

I should know better than to think there aren't plenty of inflated egos for her to pop just because Dick and George and Karl have been relegated to the dust bin of history.  It's probably the most target rich environment ever now that the "loyal" opposition has finally had enough with this Obama guy.  You mean he's still President?!?  A couple of months is fine but he hasn't been impeached or shot or quit yet?!?

This is becoming increasingly the attitude and it's getting to the point where I'm starting to fear for the President's safety.  The nuts are actually whipping up a huge dust cloud of fear into what's becoming an increasingly large mob.  Fear and Loathing, indeed. I worry that we've only seen the tip of the iceberg on that score.

There were torches and pitchforks down the streets of DC over the weekend and judging by the signs, none of these "patriots" could decide exactly what they thought Obama represented.  I mean, can one person simultaneously be a Commie Fascist Kenyan Muslim?  And the Joker?


I know what their biggest fear is, and though they haven't yet articulated it explicitly, it lives as an undercurrent to everything they stand for: clearly Obama will next be demanding a Government take over of that most sacred of American institutions, the Klu Klux Klan.  Damn socialists!  We'll have to stand in long lines and fill out unnecessary forms just so we can be issued defective nooses, flame retardant flaming crosses and yellowed robes and hoods.  Probably manufactured by illegal immigrants!  And after that?  God forbid - NASCAR?!?!?

Anyway, sorry.  Got off topic.

I promise not to stray again, Maureen!  This week's column was right on and funny to boot (per your norm).  I'm now going to get caught up on what I missed.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Point of parliamentary procedure!


Why is everybody so up-in-arms over Joe Wilson's "You Lie!" outburst during Obama's health care speech to congress the other night? I'm a hemorrhaging heart liberal and unabashed Obama supporter from way back, but I found the shout out rather refreshing. I didn't agree with the content, of course (he and I likely couldn't agree on today's date) but wasn't perturbed by the conduct. Besides, his remark only helped reinforce the president's point regarding the seeming lack of civility in the health care debate. Of course, at some level, that's exactly what I like about the health care discussion. Not as a concerned citizen, mind you, but as someone looking for a little extra comic relief out of the daily news cycle.

We're way too polite and regal in this country when it comes to official government traditions and ceremony. You wouldn't think that would be the case given our country's genesis, borne from the tyranny of the British crown. Ironically it's the Brits that it it all over us now when it comes to dispensing of civility and ceremony (well, at least when it comes to their civility - they still dress like royal dorks).


Perhaps Wilson's faux pas might be our start down that boisterous road toward British 'parliamentary procedure'? I hope so. We need more Animal House and Jerry Springer in the hallowed halls of congress and less pomp(ous) and circumstance. Enough yielding of the floor to "the Gentleman from the Great State of Yada Yada" ( I didn't realize the floor was moving such that it needed to yield, or is it just that they're all so regularly drunk it just appears to be?)

I'd like to hear just once, 'The chair recognizes Joseph Wilson, the gentleman needle dick from South Carolina, the shit hole state best known for slavery, rebel-yell Nazism, incest, pedophilia and pestilence. Herr Wilson, you represent her well in that regard, you fascist pea brain." As an example.

And what's with the ridiculous rituals for a presidential address to congress? The endless announcements of the major players by the master-at-arms, as though this was the NBA finals. And their glad-handing on the way down!  Enough, already. Finally, enough with the 55 applause cycles before the man even starts his speech. Come on! Give 'em a hand - one round of polite applause. Either that or go whole hog Beatlemania on him with swooning, screaming and whatnot. Enough of this middle-of-the-road shit.

Can't we just have Johnny Olson tell them all to "Come on Down, you're the next speaker on the Address To Congress"? After all, Joe Biden kinda looks like Bob Barker and Nancy Pelosi is surely the spitting image of at least one of the 70s Price Is Right prize models today (one who lived life hard through the 80s and 90s but then was reborn through an addiction to plastic surgeries). Maybe she even was a Price Is Right model for all I know.


I say all this only somewhat tongue-in-cheek and mainly as a reaction to the over-reaction by my fellow travelers on the left. Let Wilson's impulsive act stand on its own demerits - sort of like (and apropos to)  Dr. Strangelove's impulsive 'Sig Heil'ing and 'Mein Führer'ing at the end of that movie.  The incessant whining about it is turning this guy into a martyr for the nutso right wing rabble-rousers. That is, to people just like Joe Wilson.  More specifically, to people whose ideology appears to run just to the left of Adolf Hitler (or maybe it's just to the right - that's a tough call). There are a lot of his ilk out there in our land of milk and military industrial honey.


Let's do what we can to marginalize these wackos, not popularize them. Christ, if we had just left the wolf huntress of the Yukon alone and not called her on her illiteracy and schizophrenia at every turn, she might have faded back into the governor's igloo without haunting us further. Neither is necessarily a barrier to becoming Vice President, after all. I read the constitution and it doesn't mention either literacy or schizophrenia even once (well, maybe there's something about 'sound mind' in there, but it's debatable what that implies).

Look, Grandpa Munster didn't stand a chance at president once he picked her, she did all the work of ensuring that and certainly didn't need any help from the left wing attack dogs (yes, we have 'em too - they're just not nearly as polished as our counterparts growling over there on the other side of the plane).

Joe The Plumber Beck Limbaugh O'Reilly Cheney.  These scary monsters thrive on attention and all subscribe to that age old adage "the only bad publicity is no publicity."

Leave 'em be, don't make them martyrs.

Friday, September 11, 2009

ATM Thieves strike at my Heart of Darkness - Afghan Monopoly anyone?


It seems thieves stole an ATM from my local hospital simply by disguising themselves as repairmen from the bank and hauling the thing away.

Pretty ballsy!

As someone who was subjected to the "care" provided by that institution for the better part of a week a few years ago, I can't say part of me isn't at least a little pleased by this turn of events. Hopefully the hospital is liable for this and the bank can put the screws to them much like they did to me.

Their caper nabbed them 96 grand, eh? Oddly, that was roughly my bill for sadism ... er, services rendered at that medieval butchery barn.

Not that I'm bitter.


On to the world stage, this week feels a bit like the 60s: the Beatles are the hottest thing in music and we've got an escalating war in Asia that once had a very narrow, very specific purpose but whose goals now seem anything but clear. The question on my mind? Is Obama LBJ or is he RFK minus the tragic demise? The entrenched president bird dogged by a meandering, unwinnable war without purpose or the guy who would liberate us from such entanglements?

I thought Bush was playing the role of LBJ in this bit of revisionism, with Iraq filling in as his Vietnam understudy. (The analogy is not fair to Johnson: LBJ didn't get us into Vietnam, certainly he didn't invade the country on a foundation of lies and God-bestowed self-righteousness. But you get my point.)

Obama certainly seemed every bit the early 21st century Robert Kennedy on the campaign trail, but things are looking a bit less clear nine months into his administration. However, it is only nine months and he was given a heaping helping of domestic shit to work through as well, so he deserves another year before I start pinning the Johnson badge on his chest. Bobby had the 'advantage' of never having to fulfill those lofty expectations. And to be sure, dying prior to taking office is the ultimate advantage in this narrow context.

Obama really isn't superman, though, despite some media attempts to color him with that brush. He can't simply make Iraq and Afghanistan go away in a blink of an eye without suffering the consequences (real and political). I just hope he realizes that it's not 'anything goes' now in Afghanistan simply because we had some justification going into there eight years ago. Define the mission - do it fucking fast and make it really clear.

In the end, historical comparisons are easy but they're also cheap and false. It's 2009 not 1969. I know, the clock on my desktop tells me (and I'm not at a desk). Also, the music on the celestial radio sucks.

We went into Afghanistan for one reason and one reason only: to hunt down and kill/capture bin Laden and other Al Qaeda operatives. The Taliban were secondary, a means to an end. Can we ever eradicate them from a leadership position in that neck of the woods? Not through military means. We should just head into the mountains of Tora Bora from both sides (hello, Pakistan) and be done with it (likely that's what we've been doing on the QT in piecemeal fashion, but it hasn't gotten us anywhere).

Or better still: just forget bin Laden and his ilk. He's not worth it and this whole eye-for-an-eye thing smacks of fifth grade, in my book. He's much more influential among radicals as a martyr, killed by the great Satan. Leave him to die quietly of old age or, more likely, the various maladies he reportedly suffers from. If we do kill him, I hope to hell we don't reveal it. Maybe we already have. No, we don't know how to keep a fucking secret to save our lives (in this case, literally). We gotta be the braggarts, showing off our spoils of war. I hope I'm wrong.

So, nothing particularly funny here today. I'm in a funk to the point where even California Republican Assemblyman Mike Duvall's pornographic chatter about his trysts with female lobbyists, actually uttered during a legislative hearing, couldn't lift my spirits.

One thing that just might stamp out the blues is the launch of Monopoly City Streets. Finally an online game I want to play! And I will. At least once they iron out their scalability opening day jitters.

Let's tie this all together and play Afghan Monopoly. How many hotels can you buy on the road to Kandahar? Careful not to land on the - well, land mines as you negotiate your way around the "board". Draw a "card" now. Oh, too bad! The Americans have napalmed your poppy crops - you lose a turn. Sounds like a 'blast'. I'm in as long as I can be the armored Bradley fighting shoe.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

'They pat some good boys on the back and put some to the Rod. But I never thought they'd put me in the goon squad.' - D. MacManus, 1979


What looked to be the late summer doldrums just got a shot in the arm for me!

I was concerned about going through pulp/pop trash withdrawals this week:
  • MJ's been buried
  • The health care 'debate' has gotten pretty damn old
  • The Obama 'birthers' have quieted down
  • The president's speech to America's school kids has come and gone
  • Momar's not due into NYC until later in the month
  • The Daily Show and Colbert are on hiatus
  • Weeds season is kaput
  • The war in Afghanistan isn't very funny
  • The new fall lineup doesn't really kick off for a week or two
  • It's the worst time of year for film (past the cheesy summer fun and not quite ready for the 'serious' fall work)
What's a pop-culture junky to do?

Enter the savior "Ram" Rod Blagojevich with his memoirs and a new round of interviews!

Man, I wish he had been 'my' Governor. So entertaining. Pennsylvania chief executives tend to be boring from that perspective, though we've had a few mayors in Philly that could have given Hot Rod a run for his money (Street and Rizzo come to mind).

'Ahoy' Blagojevich has defiantly wrestled baldfaced corruption and two faced self-righteousness from the clenched fists of Republican state chief execs, demonstrating that Democratic deviancy in office is not limited to that of a sexual nature. Those of us on the left are so proud!

I can't wait for Rod's trial and vindication and definitely plan to pick up his book, The Governor. It's so clear to anyone with eyes that this visionary peacemaker has been railroaded and I for one want to know the nitty gritty details as to how and why.

In the meantime, Rod, since I hear you're strapped for cash, you'd make a great replacement for Billy Mays. Don't like that? How about you and ShamWow Vince as a team? There's a thought. Or - now hear me out - you could become the spokesperson - the exclusive face of the brand - for Active Men's Depends, the new bowel and bladder control product specifically designed for men still in their wage earning years: "When the shit hits the fan, it doesn't hit the floor." You might actually make adult diapers cool to wear for the working professional.

The scene is set in some faceless corporate break room. Dean and Stan, two young marketing executives, are talking over early afternoon coffee. Stan is very clearly wearing diapers under his dress slacks.


Dean: "Stan, you're looking a bit 'puffy' in the behind - he, he. What gives?"

Stan: "Yeah, Dean. I'm rocking my new Depends Blagojevichs. Hey, we both had the prune pasta for lunch at Olive Garden - guess which one of us will make it through our big presentation to the CEO comfortably this afternoon. Remember, we're slotted two hours and we haven't prepared a thing for it yet. Lots of tap dancing! It'll be BS time on all fronts, but I'll be set, knowing I have honest Rod smiling at me from behind: his picture is on every pair!"

Dean: "Rod Blagojevich has put his name on adult diapers? Wow, that makes you think twice about bladder and bowel control for us working stiffs."

Stan: "You bet. You know he wouldn't back anything that wasn't reliable. And they come in several refreshing deodorizing fragrances. If you get a whiff of lilac, that's my 'Blags' going to work!"

Dean: "Ahh, Geez, Stan, that's awful smart of ya - you'll be tap dancing good and thick without pause while I'll have to excuse myself to run off to the boys room. What'll the boss think of me then? I'd better duck out to the store and pick me up some Depends Blagojevichs pronto!"

Stan: "Don't worry, Dean. I always keep extras in my left desk drawer. Now let's figure out where we can steal a quick marketing report presentation out on the Internet ..."

Food for thought, Rod. The book'll only get ya so far. On the off chance you're convicted, someone might get the bright idea your 'memoir' is allowing you to profit from your crime and attempt to recoup the proceeds. I'm sure you're off-shoring the jingle jangle but it never hurts to have multiple income streams going.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Mad about Hugo


I'm still mad for Mad Men four episodes into the third season.

I think it's getting better, actually.


There's no attempt to make any of the characters either sympathetic or into bad guys, though some tend to lean in one direction or the other.  But no one's one dimensional. There are certainly no saints, everyone has flaws.  And the ambiance is, as ever, pretty much perfection.  This show on ad men is light on interruptions by actual advertisements, which is also nice.  Sometimes, like last week, they actually work those real-life interruptions into the spirit of the Mad Men universe by prefacing them with historical trivia regarding the particular brand's first appearance on the boob tube.


But I rarely spent a lot of time here fussing over TV I actually like.

Besides, I have a bone to pick with Oliver Stone, back here in the 21st Century (much as I hate to make the trip back to the present from the cozy world of 1963).

Oliver, I love your movies (well, some of them: Salvador, Platoon, Wall Street, pieces of The Doors, JFK for some laughs, I heard World Trade Center was good, not much of Any Given Sunday, the script for Scarface).

But whatcha doing mythologizing Hugo 'Boss' Chavez?

I actually think your new documentary South of the Border might actually do a lot of good in helping to heal our relationship with the people and leadership of perhaps a few countries in Central and South America by giving them a voice and a bit of dignity that we as a nation always seem to be in offical short supply of for their ilk.

But the ends (almost never) justify the means.

I know clown boy W. and his evil Lord Cheney loved to heap shit on him and that crowd.  I also realize that the US has a shameful recent (and not-so-recent) history of propping up tin-horn dictators with ease down south of the border while demonizing anyone who even ever so faintly smells of socialism.  But Chavez seems like so much of a punk in every interview I've caught with him. 

I can't really say I'm surprised or that I expected better from Oliver.  He is, after all, just being Oliver.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing.  After all, we need folks like Oliver to counterbalance the yahoos on the right.  Anyway, to those yahoos, I'm pretty indistinguishable from Ollie (or Chavez for that matter).


I'll reserve judgment on the flick until I see it.  After all, it's not only about Chavez, though he figures the most prominently, I hear.  And maybe he's an okay sort. He really does seem to despise Bush after all, so he has that going for him.  Of course, his personality reminds me a lot of Bush, too.  A 'true believer' with the permanent smirk plastered on the kisser.

Ollie did apparently cover a lot of other ground in the movie throughout Central and South America, talking to a half dozen or so leaders in addition to Hugo.

My concern isn't with the film so much (how could it if I haven't seen it?), it's with Stone's performance at the Venice film festival and particularly his glad handing/backslapping with Hugo on the red carpet.  Sort of tosses out any pretense of impartiality.

But then, the word 'unbiased' is not really in Oliver's vocabulary anyway, is it?

Enough with Oliver and Hugo, on to Doctor G, Manson and Hoarders.
No, that's not a new music act (though that would be an excellent band name), that's my channel surfing A.D.D this evening.


Doctor G is in her usual first-run slot (alas, a rerun tonight), Manson scores a History Channel prime time slot , though it's nearly a month past the 40th anniversary of the Tate-LaBianca murders (maybe it's 40 years since he was first indicted or some other such mile marker). And finally, a Labor Day A&E Hoarders marathon is underway (though I missed most of the day's festivities).

No new Y incisions to make with Doc G and I'm thoroughly sick of that punk Manson at this point, so I'm mainly rocking with Hoarders this evening.   I was going to get some work done.  But then I came to my senses.

'Give me the needle. Give me the rope. We're going to melt them down for pills and soap.' - D. MacManus, 1983

Well, well, well - this whole brouhaha around Obama's back-to-school address has drifted into the Twilight Zone (or, more appropriately, the McCarthy Zone).

It just shows you how polarized our country has become. It's not like Obama is going to whisper to the kids to go run and tell mommy and daddy that universal government run healthcare is the only thing that will stop grandma from dying tomorrow. "And your little doggies and kitties too. They will surely die without mandatory Big Government Health Factories. So will your brothers and sisters. All will be dead soon. Run and tell your parents!"

Wait, that's not right - our country is not polarized, at least not organically. No, there's a lot of pasteurization going on, lots of man-made pesticides being dropped down onto the great unwashed.

And looky, looky who's holding the big barrels of DDT - it's the right wing political and media machine preying on the uninformed and those who harbor a barely controllable hatred for the government (unsurprisingly, the overlap of these two demographics is considerable).

These poor slobs don't seem to realize that 1.) the government they fear and despise is theirs and 2.) the manner in which it is fucked up is institutional and doesn't change much regardless of the temporary caretakers that constitute the administration in power.

They have not really seen the enemy because the enemy is them.

They are missing the whole point regarding government run healthcare. Christ, it's not the fuckin' DMV. Look to higher education as the model. All universities are not private and guess what? Public colleges have not put the Harvards or Browns or Swarthmores of the world out of business. And a great many are superior to their private counterparts. But can you imagine the percentage of college educated Americans we would have with only private options? It would be a significantly reduced number and so would the number of people qualifying as middle class. Likewise the number of scientific and medical breakthroughs, business innovation, etc. We'd have predominantly rich and poor, informed and ignorant. Like the bad old days.

But not everyone gets to go to college free, Steve.  Yeah, sadly I realize that.  So look at public vs. private primary schooling.  It's the model and type of service I'm concerned about.  Comparing it to the DMV or the Post Office is Apples and Oranges.

But people don't see the parallels. The insured and the uninsured. We have the chance (once again) to make that comparison obsolete and the fear-mongering wack jobs are helping to piss this away once again. Please, please, please, guys - hold your ground and deal with the political fall out. Ya gotta have real balls and intestinal fortitude to get this through.

These people are so fearful of a 'socialist' nation, with gray Soviet-issue bread lines and gas lines and vodka lines and line lines, with rows and rows of black and white government-issue buildings housing government-issue bureaucrats providing sub-par government-issue services. Guess what? Even if they're right, sub-par services are better than no services. And if you can afford better, do what you do today - buy it. Will the prices of the private stuff go up? Sure, some. But that can be managed. It shouldn't go up an appreciable sum if government healthcare is limited those who have none right now.

Democracy's a delicate balance - sort of an organizational teeter totter, balanced on both ends. Tip it all the way over in one direction and you have unfettered fascism, tip it all the way in the other direction and you have totalitarian communism. That's the over-simplified view of thing, of course. It's not a three position teeter toter, and right now we're teetering over toward the fascism end of things in the form of unregulated "free markets" (you know, the thing that brought us the economic collapse). You're as free as your balance sheet. We just need to get close to that democratic equilibrium by tipping the scales again in the other direction.

The problem is you have fat slobs like Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, and Glenn Beck sitting on the fascism seat of our teeter totter and weighing us down in that direction. And Sista Sarah has piled on a shitload of wolf carcasses along with the English Language she's slaughtered. That's a lot of words, some of them quite heavy. Meanwhile there are too many lightweights on the socially conscious end to counterbalance them. We need some big cojones to jump onboard.

"But come on, " a reasonable outsider would exclaim, "you have large majorities in the house and senate and the executive branch - how can you claim that this is so?"

I agree it isn't intuitive. But face it: the administration is there mainly by virtual of the badshit looniness of W. and Our Lady of the Yukon, with perhaps a dash of fear over what Grandpa Munster might do with The Button during one of his senile, hot headed fits. The congress is merely on one of its periodic swings and will inevitably swing back. I say these things having been a supporter of Obama from the moment he announced (actually, from the moment he gave that speech at the Democratic Convention in 2004). And I don't say this with any shame. Our country has always been a tangle of contradictions (that's the core of what makes it great). But we need to be cognizant of it.

Once liberals have a bit of power, we never seem to know what to do with it. That's the other thing complicating what should be an easy go of things. I say this as a commie-pinko gushing heart proud-as-punch card-carrying fellow traveler liberal. The right wing wack jobs still have it all over us in raising a stink and putting The Fear into the Fearful. When money's tight and jobs are scarce, that's not hard to do, and they can do it in the best of times.

"But come on," Mr. Average Joe 'The Watergate' Plumber on the street might say, "I know that Barack Obama is a commie socialist Islamic Kenyan national. I understand he'll soon be leading the nation's school children in a pledge allegiance to Stalin, Bin Laden, and the Socialist Kenyan Islamic States of America and signing them up for mandatory Swahili lessons so they'll be ready once he mandates its use as our official language."

"Steve," you might wonder in return, "aren't you being a bit absurd there?" No, sadly.

Open your eyes and think for yourselves, people.

This 'opt-out' thing is a slippery slope - next thing you know parents will be opting their kids out of art class because of its left leaning tendencies. We'll start locking people up because too many people opted out of whatever activity they were driving, so they must be a criminal. Parents will need to approve every person and topic discussed at the school.

Now you might say, "The parents have that right." They do. It's called private school or, if that isn't sufficiently censored or in line with their philosophy, home schooling.

And I'll ask myself, If McCain was President would I still be saying the same thing? Yes, I think so. Okay, so how Sarah Palin? Ehhhhh! Karl Rove? Ahhhh! Dick Cheney? Errrhhh! And they say waterboarding is torture (well, they don't, but the rest of us do).

Still, in all of those cases, if I had kids and hadn't yet put a bullet in my brain under those trying circumstances, I would still say the same thing: it's the president and he's going to talk mom-and-apple-pie-stay-in-school-get-an-education-help-others. What could be sinister about any of that? What is not good about that?

And I would tell my kid that day what I would tell them most days: Dad doesn't agree with the president about a lot but he does about the most fundamental things (though perhaps not the manner in which we should go about achieving them). Listen to the president closely as he/she emphasizes the importance of education and service. They are important. But never listen blindly to your country's leaders, regardless of the belief you or anyone has in their policies. Always listen critically.

But listen.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

'And you've spent the last 10 years of your life in this Emergency!' - Stiff Little Fingers


Firefighter Johnny Gage. Firefighter Roy DeSoto. "Squad 51/Squad 51, overturned tanker truck at 512 Cornell Avenue, cross street Evans - Time Out 10:52." Nurse Dixie McCall, Dr. Kelly Brackett, Dr. Joe Early. Goofy Firefighter Chet Kelly. The Captain. Firehouse antics, the jovial kidding around with the ER staff, the medical back-and-forth on the state-of-the-art mobile communications equipment. I'm referring of course to Emergency!

This show was, as much as any other, the 1970s to me. More than disco, as much as Watergate. It was another show ripped from the headlines as the role of paramedic started to take hold in major cities across America. It was also a show ripped from the mind of Jack Webb and set in the same universe as his Adam 12 (in fact there was the occasional cross over of characters between the two). Adam 12 of course came from the loins of the granddaddy of the genre, Dragnet.

Emergency! shared the same unintentionally comical seriousness and staccato procedural dialog as Jack's other works but had some intentional humor as well. Webb was only one of many creators here and some of the others apparently did not have that same long stick up their ass that had long since severed Jack's funny bone.

Why bring this up? I caught Kevin Tighe (Roy DeSoto) in a bit part on some show last night (I think it was a Law and Order SVU) and it got me to thinking about how Emergency! affected me in my formative years. After the usual little kid cowboy/fireman/astronaut phase, I've only wanted to be three things growing up: veterinarian, paramedic and writer/journalist. Emergency! made me want to become a paramedic.

I can't exactly say what it was about paramedics that fascinated me. It could be that I was on the career dreams rebound, having just had my veterinarian aspirations crushed by the realization it would require eight years of college. My disdain for the hard sciences at the time and the lack of a family nest egg for higher education sort of drove a stake into that. But I was still intrigued by medicine and, gee, those guys didn't have to go to college and study biology but they got to do all kinds of cool doctor-like stuff. Plus they were out and about in the California sun and could hang at the firehouse but didn't have to run into burning buildings (at least not all that often).

And they always seemed to be having fun. More fun than I was having in the 70s anyway. Johnny Gage was hitting on the young Rampart nurses (and getting shot down). Roy was the family man. Yet we never saw their life outside of the firehouse, the field and Rampart General. And they only very briefly talked (or thought) about such things. Typical Jack Webb, all business. Yet lots of laughs and general feeling of happiness permeated the show, except when in the actual act of rescuing folks (sometimes even then).

Geez, they even had Hot Wheels Emergency vehicles and a board game, so you knew it was cool!

It was strangely both a microcosm of the 70s and yet completely out of phase with that decade. Running from 1972 - '77 with regular movies of the week through '79, it was filled with the clothes, hairstyles and technologies of the day, but the scripts themselves could be produced as is for a completely contemporary show come the 2009 fall season.

"Rampart, this is Squad 51. We have a male, early 20s, unconscious, pupils are fixed and dilated." "51, this is Rampart. Start an IV with D5W and transport stat." It was invariably D5W, regardless of the problem. I guess that was because it was an innocuous substance (essentially saline). Occasionally Lactated Ringer's (saline with a glass of milk). Can't trust these firefighters with administering anything stronger - sure they have this newfangled paramedic certificate but any bozo can get one of those. That's what I imagined was going through the minds of Doctors Brackett and Early during each communication with the boys out in the field. As Dixie McCall adjusted her starched nurse's cap in the background and shook her head, chuckling.

I never did become a paramedic (or a veterinarian or a print journalist, or a cowboy/astronaut/fireman for that matter).

Still, for a short time, thanks to this show, it seemed to be an honorable, fun and most of all, attainable profession.

I'm still waiting for the series about the lives of software developers in a large corporate setting. See the hapless bunch as they attempt to bend time, space, budgets and people while the Contractual Obligation clock ticks down to zero hour. How fast can this merry band of code slingers churn that software out? Okay, now how fast with sixteen tons of dead weight and six truckloads of red tape tied to their backs? How much will the resulting software suck? How expensive will it be to maintain going forward? Stay tuned - same bat time, same bat channel.

Ahh, yes. Hot Wheels action mobile mouse and board game coming for Christmas!